


why does anger feel so much like pain

by RedHoodie1723



Series: Comfortember [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Jason Todd Gets A Hug, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd is Robin, Mentions of Injuries, but on a background character, mentions of drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27617929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedHoodie1723/pseuds/RedHoodie1723
Summary: Jason snaps when Bruce scolds him after a patrol, not understanding why the man was so upset.———Comfortember Day 7: Lashing Out
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne
Series: Comfortember [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996774
Comments: 10
Kudos: 209
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	why does anger feel so much like pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is 11 days late, but oh well. Hope y'all enjoy!

“You could have killed him, Robin!” 

Jeremy Dennis was an abuser. There was no other way to put it. He pushed around his wife and daughter simply because he could. Hurting them, gaslighting them, and threatening them. 

Jeremy Dennis was in the hospital. Multiple broken bones and lacerations, as well as minor head trauma. And frankly? Jason would do it again if given the choice.

The man had reminded him so much of Willis, right from the drunken slur of his words down to the bruises he left on his wife and kid. Jason wasn’t sure when the line between Jeremy and Willis started to blur, but it did and it scared him.

Willis was put in jail four years ago, when Jason was 9, and as far as he was concerned, his father could rot there. But it unsettled Jason, that even after four years of separation, Willis still terrified him. How Willis could have so much influence over his actions and didn’t even know it.

If it had been another situation, any other criminal, Jason would admit to taking things too far. Robin was supposed to be the light to Batman’s darkness, a pillar of morality and goodness. Killing, excessive violence, all of that was strictly forbidden. Bruce had made that clear. 

But Jason wasn’t thinking about that at the time, wasn’t thinking about anything other than how his mother used to flinch whenever she heard Willis’ voice and how Jason felt like he couldn’t breathe when Willis was around. All Jason could think about was how much he wanted Willis, and by extension, Jeremy, to hurt. 

“Would’ve it been a real shame if I did?” Jason snapped back. He turned his back to Bruce as he stormed towards the showers, tossing his gloves off and toeing off the pixie boots as he did so. 

“That isn’t our call to make and you know it.” Bruce’s voice was cold, chilly in a way that had never been directed at Jason before. Part of Jason, the part that still admired and felt safe by his adoptive father’s side, wanted to turn around and apologize, beg for his forgiveness. But a stronger part of Jason knew that he wasn’t sorry for what he did. 

Still, it stung to hear the harsh tone used for criminals being used on him. 

“You had no right to do what you did.”

“No right?” Jason froze, his voice low. He narrowed his eyes as he slowly turned to look at Bruce. “No right? He was an abuser, a piece of scum. He tossed around his wife and 6-year-old kid for no reason other than the fact that he could. He was a self-centered prick who got off on having power over the people who he was supposed to care for. There is nothing that excuses what he did, nothing that made it okay. You’re wrong, Bruce, I had every right.”

“Jason, I am not saying Jeremy doesn’t deserve every bad thing coming his way. B-”

“No! No, you don’t get it. You let your moral high ground and savior complex get in the way of reality. Sometimes people are just bad, they aren’t redeemable or fixable. They aren’t secretly good people with hidden kindness. And unless we do something about it, those bad people will continue to hurt the good people out there.

“Jeremy Dennis was just another one of those bad people. He was just another Willis Todd,” Jason spat, his voice growing shaky as he continued. Bruce opened his mouth to respond, but Jason didn’t bother staying to listen, turning on his heel and sprinting towards the stairs to the Manor.

Jason vaguely remembered Alfred’s ‘No Costumes In The House’ rule, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care as he slammed the door to the Grandfather Clock shut behind him.

His trip upstairs and to his room was a blur, but the minute he slammed the door to his bedroom’s attached bathroom behind him, things came crashing down.

Pacing a few steps around the bathroom, Jason drug his hands through his hair feverishly. He took into account how fast he was breathing, almost bordering on hyperventilation, so he leaned over the bathroom counter and gripped the sink so tight his knuckles were turning white. Desperately, he tried to suck in a deep breath to calm himself down, but he failed.

So many thoughts and emotions warred inside of him. Jason was angry at Bruce, angry at himself. He wanted so badly to go back downstairs and apologize, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to the man.

Would Bruce hate him for saying all that stuff? Would he finally come to his senses and realize that Jason was just a poor excuse for a hero? A failure who can’t even abide by the one rule he set.

The last thing Jason wanted was for Bruce to be disappointed in him, and yet, it seemed to be the only thing he ever did.

The worst part was all the conflicting feelings. Jason wanted, no, needed, Bruce’s approval, but he couldn’t stop himself from pushing the rules. He had lived too long in Crime Alley to truly believe in Bruce’s stout ‘no one deserves to die’ viewpoint. There were just some people the world was better off without. Jason wondered if he was one of those people.

He wasn’t a hero…

Not like Bruce or Dick. He didn’t have a team or friends. He wasn’t as good or as skilled as Dick and he wasn’t as morally sure as Bruce. Jason failed to protect his mom from Willis and he failed to save her from her addiction. Hell, if he had never been born, she never would have married Willis.

The only thing Jason ever managed to do right was be a burden.

Jason took a shaky breath then looked up at his reflection in the mirror. Somehow he hadn’t even noticed he was crying, but sticky tear tracks were running down his cheeks. He wiped them away as quickly as he saw them. 

Jason was already a stain on the Robin name, there was no need to be a baby about it. 

The Robin stood up straight and shook his head. He couldn’t wallow, couldn’t let Bruce or Alfred see him like this. 

Slowly, he stripped out of the rest of his uniform, tossing the utility belt, tunic, and shorts to the side. Turning on the shower, Jason wondered if things would be better if he never became Robin in the first place. 

———

Bruce watched as Jason stormed up the stairs, slamming the cave door behind him.

He wanted to say something, call to him, but he was afraid he’d only make it worse.

The man was never any good at this sort of stuff, handling arguments with his kids. He never knew what was too far and what wasn't far enough. Case and point, his current relationship with Dick.

Bruce only wanted what was best for his sons. Time and time again he finds himself failing and falling short of the father his boys need him to be.

He got lucky with Dick, who somehow managed to thrive outside of Gotham, in Bludhaven and with the Titans. But he was scared for Jason.

He knew about the anger Jason had in him. Knew it very well, because he had it in him too. Knew the righteous rage and hatred directed at a city and system that continuously fails to keep its citizens safe. 

His parents, Jason’s mother, despite the differences in their deaths, were both a product of a broken justice system.

But Bruce had years of experience of learning to control and redirect his anger. He may not have always succeeded in doing so, but at the end of the day, he knew where the line lay. Knew where he shouldn’t and wouldn’t cross it. But Bruce feared that Jason wouldn’t learn how to control his anger until it was too late and the boy ended up doing something he would forever regret.

He’s seen what hatred can do to someone, knows how it changes someone if allowed to fester. But Bruce isn’t naive, he knows that hatred is usually grown from deeper emotions such as love, envy, and… fear. The man knows how Jason feels about Willis, he only wished he knew how to help.

Jason was a good kid. The boy was smart, talented, and so damn passionate about helping others and Bruce was proud of him. Of course he was, and he couldn’t have possibly asked for a better partner, a better Robin, or a better son. 

Which is why he needed to keep Jason on a good path. Taking the life of someone else, no matter how much they deserved it, wasn’t something one could shake off easily. He didn’t want that for Jason, not for his son.

With a heavy sigh, Bruce turned towards the locker rooms. They both needed time to calm down. Trying to talk to Jason now would probably end in another explosive argument and the last thing Bruce wanted was to fight with his son.

———

The flora outside Jason's window swayed gently with the early Autumn breeze, causing the vibrantly painted leaves to scatter across the Manor grounds in a splendid array of yellow, oranges, and reds. It was a beautiful view. 

They didn’t have trees like these back in Gotham proper. The only plants you could find in that concrete jungle were either weeds or one of Ivy’s deadly concoctions. Neither was very nice to be around, each for different reasons, but Jason didn’t mind. He had never been particularly interested in plants, still wasn’t, but at this point, he just wanted to focus on anything but what had happened earlier that night.

He pulled the blankets tighter around him. He had finished up his shower an hour ago, throwing on a pair of flannel pants and one of Dick’s old sweatshirts before climbing into bed. But it didn’t seem like he was going to fall asleep anytime soon. All he could do was toss and turn restlessly, switching from looking outside at the trees to looking up at the ceiling, plastered with little glow-in-the-dark stars that Dick and Babs helped put up.

It wasn’t long before a knock sounded on the door. Soft and hesitant, but Jason recognized the pattern as Bruce’s.

Briefly, he wondered if he could just pretend to be asleep, but he quickly realized two crucial things. A) Bruce knew when he was faking, he wasn’t the World’s Greatest Detective for nothing. B) Jason wanted to talk to him too.

“Come in,” Jason said, loud enough for B to hear him, but quiet enough to not be considered a yell.

Jason may have been facing away from the door, but he heard the creaking of its hinges and noted the widening of the hall light on his wall as Bruce entered. The boy didn't bother turning over to face the man, but he listened to him as he made his way across the room. Jay felt the bed dip moments later when he eventually decided to sit down.

“Hey, Jaylad,” Bruce started softly. “Can we talk?”

Jason turned his head just enough to look at Bruce. The soft, yellow glow of the hallway cast shadows over his face, but he would have had to be blind to miss the guilty expression on Bruce’s face.

Jason didn't know whether to feel satisfied or not about that.

“I’m sorry,” Jason said as Bruce opened his mouth, halting the man in his tracks. “I am sorry for saying those things. I mean, I meant it, but I didn’t- I just…” The words Jason was trying to convey just wouldn’t come, so instead, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “You don’t hate me right?”

Bruce looked shocked for a second as if he had been slapped in the face or something. Jason just waited for his answer. He didn’t know what the answer would be, but he was terrified of having all his fears confirmed.

“Jason, Jay, no,” Bruce whispered, voice strained. “Never. Jason, we may argue, but nothing will ever make me hate you.”

Jason felt himself relax, letting go of his punishing grip on the edge of his sheets. He sat up and turned over to look up at Bruce. After all, the man was a full foot and a half taller than him.

“But… I said all those things, and you said-“ Jason stumbled over his words. He hated being at a crossroads of knowing what he said was right and not wanting to fight with B. He wanted to make things better, but he wouldn’t compromise his beliefs to do so.

Bruce cautiously leaned forward, pausing to give Jason time to push away if he wanted, but the boy instinctively moved closer. B wrapped his arms around his son, pulling him into his lap for a tight hug.

The man’s classic cream-colored cashmere sweater was soft against Jason’s cheeks as he tucked his face into his father’s chest and wrapped his arms around the man’s neck. Bruce smelt like the coconut shampoo Alfred stocked the Batcave with, and the tips of his hair were still damp from the shower.

He felt like safety, he felt like comfort, he felt like home and Jason never wanted to let go.

"You are my son, Jason Peter Todd-Wayne," Bruce stated fiercely, his hold on the boy tightening as he continued. "I love you and I will always love you. We may disagree, but that will never change. I promise you that.” 

Jason made a soft strangled noise in the back of his throat, desperately trying to hold back the tears building in his eyes as he returned the hug just as fiercely.

“I love you too, Dad.”

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Averooo for helping Beta!


End file.
